


Isolation

by RealityXIllusion



Series: Gintama-One Shots [4]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Depressed Gintoki, Depression, Gen, Other Characters Are Mentioned, Sad Gintoki, Sakata Gintoki Needs A Hug, not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:02:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21882709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RealityXIllusion/pseuds/RealityXIllusion
Summary: It wasn’t always like this. He could still remember the days when people would pass on by without so much as a glance in his direction. Gintoki knew he wasn’t entirely human, though he had no idea what else he could be.
Relationships: Sakata Gintoki & Being Unhappy
Series: Gintama-One Shots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576336
Comments: 1
Kudos: 70





	Isolation

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt is also taken from the 2019 Whumptober prompt list created by @la-vie-en-whump on Tumblr.

It wasn’t always like this. He could still remember the days when people would pass on by without so much as a glance in his direction. Gintoki knew he wasn’t entirely human, though he had no idea what else he could be. For the majority of his childhood, he couldn’t be seen by others. At first, he assumed that he was just being ignored, after all, what use did a child have wandering a battlefield? However, as time went on he noticed how they seemed unaware of his existence entirely. Panicking about spirits anytime he moved things around their camp, blaming the missing food on animals… What truly convinced him that the soldiers could not see him was the day the enemy came and a battle began. There was a soldier, on the enemy's side, that could see him. That soldier had run to him, trying to get him out of the way of danger but after a hasty explanation one of his comrades had told him,

"A kid? What the hell are you talking about?! There's nothing there!"

With his heart lodged in his throat, Gintoki tried his best to smile at the man before he took off running. He couldn't stay there, he didn't want to stay there. Not with all the yelling, the bloodshed and the bodies dropping to the ground. He especially didn’t want to meet that man’s eyes and risk him ignoring him… that was when he realized just how different he was.

It seemed that no matter where he went, there was always some type of battle taking place.

Eventually, as the days continued to pass, he grew used to the metallic scent in the air. He grew used to people crying out around him, long after the fight had ended. He tried to help them, any of them, but they were always too badly injured for him to do anything other than put them out of their misery… It was when Yoshida found him that things started to change. Sometimes though, he can’t help how he fades out of view, despite wanting to be seen. Gradually, as he met more and more people as a result of joining Yoshida-Sensei's dojo, Gintoki began to show himself more often. Not vanishing, or running off as others from the dojo believed him to do. Sensei had asked one time where he was always disappearing off to, and that was the first and only lie Gintoki had ever said to him. He still wasn’t sure what prompted him to give that response, but he told him that if he disappeared, it was because he was never there, to begin with. That he never purposely left because he wasn’t there in the first place. After that, Sensei never asked him that question again.

It was… nice. He liked being at Shoka Sonjuku. He liked learning alongside everyone else.

Then, as years went on by, as he grew older, as everything began to change… He couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been so much simpler had he stayed in isolation. If he wasn't there, would Sensei still be alive or would he have died some other way? Would it have been better than being executed by one of your own students? Would Katsura and Takasugi still have joined the war? Would they’ve still met Tatsuma? Would they still go their separate ways?

If he hadn’t been there… would they be happy right now?

A frown tugging at his lips, Gintoki let his gaze wander. Neither of the kids was here today, he could vaguely recall Shinpachi saying something about them meeting up with Otae but he didn’t pay much attention. He wanted to be left alone. Today was… today was not a good day, despite there not being a single cloud in the sky. 

“...Damnit.” Muttering under his breath, Gintoki hastily got to his feet and moved towards the door.

He wanted to be left alone but just sitting inside all day was making him antsy. Maybe a quick walk around the area would help calm his nerves. However, instead of heading down his usual route, Gintoki found himself heading in the opposite direction. He didn’t want to risk running into any of the others. He didn’t have the energy to put up a front for them. Not even Katsura, he just needed to have some time to himself to clear his head. Letting his thoughts get the best of him like that was not good. He thought he had better control over that by now but… he guessed not.

Distancing himself from everyone, not having to worry about putting anyone else in danger. Not having to worry about hurting any of them… to put himself in some sort of self-Isolation… maybe it wouldn’t be so bad… Maybe it would be for the best. He had to admit the idea did have some merit. If he wasn’t around then surely the kids wouldn’t be in danger so often, and maybe Granny could rent the apartment out to someone who would actually pay the rent on time… who knows.

He was the type of person to go with the flow of whatever life threw his way, everywhere he’s traveled, he had some sort of reason for heading in that direction, to begin with. If he willingly left now, if he left Edo, where would he go? There was a good amount of places he couldn’t return to, not with the label Shiroyasha hanging over his head. Even if by some odd chance he managed to go someplace where he wasn’t known, what would he do? Set up another odd job agency or get a full-time job someplace? Would he live with others? In a village? A town or a city? Should he try and isolate himself from others if he ended up somewhere new? Keep to himself? Or should he go back to his roots, see about cleaning up the dojo and living there just like Sensei had? It would be nice to see Shoka Sonjuku fixed up and live there once again.

He’ll just have to wait and see where life leads him.

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the prompt "Isolation" but I enjoyed toying with the idea of a nonhuman Gintoki so this may get a sequel later on in the series.


End file.
